I have not written in a long time and the following are the excuses I provide. I am aware that you are a smart person because you are reading this so it is up to you to make up your mind if the following are all or partly credible. I write this in random order because I am tipsy. It is a Friday night, exactly 20:37 hours, so what do you expect?
According to Google an excuse is a verb that seeks to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offence); to try to justify. Excuses(plural) is a noun, it is defined as a reason or explanation given to justify a fault or offence. I will be addressing the latter. Now that we have the explanation out of the way, let me leave you to judge, accept or vilify me. The following are my excuses. I have been justifying and lying to myself all these months that these are very good reasons.
- I have a job. Cease fire! Everything stops. This means no writing leisurely, no socialising during the week except maybe a 2 minute coffee chatter with people who have become part of the office furniture, 2 hours reserved for your loved ones and admiring the growth of my kids’ plants, 30 minutes reserved for food and 7 hours reserved for sleep. Come on, who am I kidding? Everybody knows you can squeeze in everything mentioned above and could even forgo 2 to 4 hours of sleep and still be okay. In actual fact there is more than enough time than what my mind convinced itself. I have mastered the art of convincing myself on this particular excuse. Anyone who tells you that one cannot lie to themselves is a liar.
- I have had a lot of job interviews to prepare for. This is what I tell myself ; it is not easy having to look through all the prospective employers’ websites, memorise their core values and “important” work they do. Never mind, having to look through all the” how to ace an interview sites”. Very stressful. Let’s not even talk about the stressful time we take trying to somewhat alter our personality to fit in with the perceived rightful candidate. Oh yes, this is a good reason, I convince myself.
- I have children and a husband. Classic excuse. I don’t have time because I have to make sure I cook, clean, feed, bath and clothe my kids. Husband included .I also have to discipline all of them so what time could I possibly have. Liar, liar pants on fire!!
- I am doing an internship. My God, I am busy! My manager will kill me if he catches me typing or reading anything that will NOT make him money. I have to go all out, work like a maniac, get lucky to be paid transport money and make millions for the organisation. Oh yeah, that is definitely important. Of course it has to be, I convince myself, it will go on your resume so you cannot possibly have time to do what you passionately and wholeheartedly love, writing. Of course you are also aware that they are taking advantage of the free service and want to keep you there for as long as possible. Still, you avoid your love and make excuses. Pitiful.
- I have a social life. Yeah right! Who are you kidding? Having drinks with your partner and lonely neighbour does not count.
- I have family issues with my extended family back home. Yeah, please let’s make that an excuse! Every family member is grown, working, with a family of their own and has the same huddles and issues as you do. However I have a messianic complex. Yes, that’s a good reason, I can’t help it. I will listen to everybody’s everyday problems and stress about solving them, when in fact I have my own unsolved problems and I do not have any friend with a messianic complex to lean on and return the favour. In this case, I am creating my own problems and in a morbid way getting instant gratification at helping others but at the same dying by the stress and worry incurred by this.
- I am depressed. Liar, liar, pants on fire! I am not depressed. Perhaps unhappy about certain things from time to time but certainly not depressed. The last time I was actually depressed was in 2006. Not a good excuse.
- I am busy. Yes, another classic. Take note, when a person tells you they are busy, they are actually letting you down easy. Saying you are busy is the easiest way of getting away with explaining why you do not want to see or talk to someone. The fact is,the people who give the “i am busy”excuse do not want to be bothered by you. Get the hint and move on. The exception is if there is a good reason for it.
- I have a lot of on my plate. Long term projects, work, family, financial issues, old age catching up with you because your kids are aging you quickly, your waist needing liposuction, losing friends that you held dear and needing a 2 week vacation.Nod silently if you relate to this. Good excuse but in reality it is a lie. Yes, that’s what I want but to make it an excuse is ridiculous. Again,nod silently if you relate to this and agree. I like you.
- I am messed up. Now who is going to believe that? So here I am, two beautiful children, a wonderful husband, lovely home and the best extended family and friends. I eat, sleep peacefully, have clothes, family that loves me and I can afford certain luxuries. Am I messed up? Spoilt brat!
- I actually have a good reason. Let me start by giving respect to my amazing, beautiful and kind mom. This woman held my three brothers and I closely together when my Dad passed away in 1997. We never wanted for more even after that. My brothers and I excelled in school and are professionals in our fields. Anyway, let me get to the real reason I was absent for a while before I bore you with what may become an unending Oscar speech pitch.. My mom has been having trouble with a land dispute. There appears to be a vulture out there claiming to be the rightful owner of her developed plot, that is, two house, fence and big garden. My mom bought the plot in 2008, mind you. Anyway, this dispute resulted in a court case which we have been fighting for quite a while. My older brother and I are lawyers so we also had to put on our legal caps, read court documents, research, work on defences and liaise with my mom’s lawyer. It was not a good period and now we await the verdict. However that being said, I cannot rely only on this reason for my absence. Life must go on and I apologise to my readers for my long absence.